Fingerprints Your Life Left on Mine
by GhostedNeon
Summary: "What if I had been there? What if I had stayed?" Jane blames herself for what happened, and nothing can change that. Not even Maura.


Jane was tapping her fingers on the desk repeatedly. There was a thought she couldn't get out of her head, and it bothered her desperately. _What if I had been there? What if I had stayed? _She pressed her fingers to her temple, a small breath escaping her. The computer screen was staring at her, information trying to swim into her brain, but it was full; full of thoughts of her best friend. The everyday noises of the precinct were starting to dig at her subconscious, a slight pain trickling down to the back of her head. The detective sprung from her seat and headed to the elevator. Looks from both Frost and Korsak didn't go unnoticed, just unanswered. They probably had a good enough idea of where she was headed. She pressed the button for the first floor once inside, thinking about fingerprints. They left marks on whatever they touched. Was a life the same way? Did a life that touched another leave a visible mark?

The doors opened, and she headed out of the building. She climbed into her car and turned the engine over, another breath coming out of her as the thoughts started to tear through her like a hurricane. The drive was short, the hospital being two blocks away. She got out and walked to the door. The nurse at the front desk gave her a warm smile.

"Another visit already? You were here this morning if I recall." Jane gave a less than half-hearted smile and got in the elevator, hitting the button for floor four. She had been there that morning, but she had been here for the past week, every day and at least twice a day if not more. _Fingerprints_… The doors opened, leaving her standing there for a moment until she willed herself to walk down the hall. Room 421 was at the other end of the hall she was heading towards. The click of her boots on the tile seemed to be louder than the chatter of nurses and patients, louder than the monitors and machines. Each step brought her closer to Maura, but Jane knew she wasn't going to like what she saw.

421 stared her in the face for a drawn out minute before she knocked on the door. A small voice sounded from behind it, and the detective pushed it slowly ajar. A wave of tears threatened the raven at the sight of the doctor in the hospital bed. Her blonde locks were falling away, more and more every day. Jane knew her routine too. Mostly throwing up at all hours of the day. She was pale, cheeks slightly sunken in. Her eyes were dark, tired. Jane had to fight the sadness at the sight of her friend; the last thing Maura needed was a hysterical Jane on her hands.

"How'd you sleep?" Rizzoli queried, voice soft. The blonde had been attempting sleep earlier that morning, but they both knew how that went. She sat in the chair beside the bed, the chair she had slept in a few nights ago. Isles insisted that the detective go home to her own bed and sleep.

"You know how it is," she whispered. A small smile formed on her lips at the sight of her best friend. "Don't you have a case to work?" Maura knew how busy Jane normally was and knew more than ever that the police force needed her.

"And you know how much you need me." Jane took the other's hand in both of hers, holding it carefully, as if any more pressure would shatter it. Though she said Maura needed her, it was even truer that Jane needed Maura. The raven was going to lose her best friend, she knew it, and there was nothing she could do.

"I'm perfectly fine," her voice grew quieter. The smile was still gracing her lips, and the tears were back in the detective's eyes. They started escaping her grasp, streaming down her cheeks. It was all she could do to keep quiet as they fled.

"Maura.. I'm so sorry… I shouldn't have… I should have saved you sooner…" Rizzoli lowered her gaze, tears dripping off the bridge of her nose and onto their joined hands. The blonde lifted her other arm and placed it on top of the midnight tendrils she thought were beautiful. Moving her palm slightly over her friend's head, she whispered.

"I don't blame you." They both had known that, but Jane would continually blame herself. If she had stayed, Maura wouldn't have been kidnapped. Two hours she was gone, and that's all it took to do something to her; to make her this sick. The doctors were baffled when she arrived at the hospital three days later, throwing up every other minute. Tests after tests were run, and nothing. Maura swore that she was merely bound in a closed room, but that left nothing answered. How was she this sick?

After a few days, Maura's hair had started falling out, and she had an idea of what it could be. Go figure Doctor Smarty-Pants to finally realize what was wrong. She guessed that it was Thallium poisoning. It explained the sickness, the hair loss, the negative test results, and how she contracted it. She went on to say that it could be inhaled with no scent and absorbed through the skin. Everything seemed to click into place. Jane could have gotten to her sooner. She could have stayed with Maura that night. If she had, her best friend wouldn't be dying at the very moment. There was an antidote too, and they tried it. After which, Maura explained one last piece of evidence to Jane.

The antidote would only prolong her life by two weeks at most. Maura was practically dead as it was. Jane was crying now, the tears like waterfalls over Maura's hand. It all hit her again, as it did every time she came to visit. There was no way to know when she would actually die; no way to know if it would be in a week, two week, a day, an hour. Maura leaned forward, placing a soft kiss on Jane's head.

"I would never blame you, Jane," she reiterated. The raven laid her head on the doctor's thigh, looking up at her. How was she still smiling? How, through all of this pain and sickness, was she still in such a good mood? She was dying. How could she be happy about that?

"I know you don't blame me. I blame me," she admitted. Doctor Isles already knew this, along with the fact that no matter what she said, Jane would continue to blame herself. Before she could stop herself, the words spilled from her mouth. "How are you still smiling?" She mentally cursed herself for even asking. She had to try to be looking to the bright side – if there was one – and very possibly putting the act on for the detective.

"I'm smiling because you're here." It was the truth. Jane had always had the innate ability to bring a smile to Maura's face. Now was no different. She knew she was going to die. She knew that nothing would be able to save her, but just having Jane there made it that much easier. Jane had changed her from the woman she used to be; she had left permanent marks on her life. "Jane," the raven looked up at the mention of her name. Maura beamed at her. Jane smiled back, biting back the next wave of tears. Her friend was amazing. How could anyone go through this like she was? Jane squeezed her hand ever so slightly.

"Of course I'm here." She couldn't form the rest of the words that was sitting on her tongue. Her throat went dry and her lids were filling with tears. Jane was a mess, but who wouldn't be? The taste of salt coated her lips, and she turned away from Maura. Isles looked at her as she moved and gave a soft sigh.

"You're going to have to make it without me." Jane bit her lip at the thought. It was… unbearable. Maura was so calm, and she was so weak; crying like a child. She sat up, wiping away the tears and looked to her best friend.

"I-I know. I can… be strong…" Maura gave a faint laugh.

"Not crying isn't strength. I'm not asking you to be strong. I'm telling you that I won't be around anymore. You've been such a big part in my life, and I know you're going to miss me. I won't be there to call when you're having boy troubles. I won't be there when your mother does something ungodly. And I won't be there, every day, at work. But despite all that, I know you can make it. I believe in you, Jane. I love you." Midway through Maura's little speech Jane had started crying again. Perhaps it was the third sentence, or even the first, she didn't know. Just the thought that Maura would no longer be there sent her spiraling downward. _How do you go on after your best friend dies? How does anyone manage that? _

"I love you too, Maur," she barely managed the phrase between the sobs. Maura wasn't even gone yet, and somehow, Jane felt a part of herself dying inside. Maura had truly touched her life. Maura had been her best friend. Maura was the most important person in her life… and she was dying.

_I love you too._

* * *

Author's Note: Thank you, BassFriday, for correcting my mistake.


End file.
